Diary: Day 42

Thursday (wish it was Friday)

Mum knows somethings wrong. I keep catching her watching me, like really really watching me. It's fucking creepy but she's got reasons for it I guess. Yesterday I was in the kitchen eating breakfast and there she was, standing by the sink. I swear, if she had stared any harder she would have created some sort of hole in my face. So, I'm pretty sure she knows.Obviously she has no idea what she knows, but it's something. Dad is clueless of course. He's never given a shit so not likely to care now is he? Matt's too young and highly unobservant. He is only 8 though. He just goes out and plays football with his friends every minute he has free. Just like dad, he doesn't care. If I were them, any of them, I'm almost 100% sure I wouldn't be looking out for this anyway, so, I can't be mad for the lack of concern. Just wish mum would be less creepy about it. Ignore or ask me what's wrong, all I'm saying. I'd lie but better than the staring.

So this boy at school asked me to go to the winter dance thing. He's really cute but, I said no. I really wish I could of said yes but not such a good idea. Kissing him sounds nice, killing him not so much. I've almost come to terms with that whole thing. When he released me, he told me it would be months before I could touch people. Fuck, I almost touched my dad the other day when I got out the car. Shit myself. Obviously I didn't. I really don't want to see my dad burst in to flames in front of me. Not cool. BUT.... I wonder what it's like. haha. No, joking. 

It's hard at school but the whole fake goth thing helps. Not a single inch of skin showing or touchable and people think that's normal. People are stupid. I wonder if any goths before have gone through what I am now? Weird. Only just thought of that. Would explain the weirdness. Where do these other demons come from I wonder? 

2 weeks to go and it's complete, I get to become awesome. I've been reading lots about ancient gods and trying to work out which one I'm created from? I like to think Aphrodite or someone bad ass. I just want to look hot, too much to ask? I always thought gods were good and demons were bad, clearly I was not informed well. When he told me I was becoming a demon I was like WOW, wait, I wanna be cool not evil. Glad he explained about gods and that because it made me feel better. That TV show supernatural is a load of shit, they've got it ALL wrong. Dean's hot though.

The whole thing is exciting but the closer the time comes, the more I worry. I'll have to leave my family. I know they won't remember once I'm gone but, I'll remember them. What about my friends? I'll never get to hang with them again. However, he did tell me I could watch them. At the time I thought that was slightly perverted but now I get it. Just make sure I time it well, don't want to watch anyone doing anything private. Gross.

Shit, got to go and do my homework. Why I have to keep doing it is stupid but he told me I had to remain, at least to others, semi normal. Boring!

Night xxx

p.s Wish me luck for tomorrow. Religious studies exam hahaha, if only they knew.