The awkward wax

Every girl gets to that point where they think, Hmmm it' about time to get a wax for downstairs, nobody else wants to see a national forest, let alone me. So, whilst in Mumbai I decided to get a bikini wax. I debated it and decided that I'd just go for it, what's the worst that could happen?

I actually went to get my hair coloured first. The hair on my head that is. That was the more pressing matter at hand as Katie, Fionn and myself had just been participating in the Holi festival. The worlds biggest water fight throughout India and other Hindu nations celebrated by throwing coloured water at each other. The thrill of this day is unparalleled however it doesn't mix very well with blond hair. 

So with a mop of pink, green, blue, red, purple and god knows what else, I went off to the hairdressers. I went in and had a choice of brown, brown or brown hair colours. I chose brown. They dyed my hair and all was well. 

I asked the hairdresser if they did waxing too and she became very shy and simply nodded in reply. I knew it would be weird waxing a foreigner but I needed it done and I didn't trust myself to do it. I was led to the back of the salon and a large curtain was pulled across, creating two spaces. The problem was, if you looked in to a mirror, which was every single wall, you could see the other customers, the main door and what was happening outside. Awkward. 

I crossed my fingers there was another room somewhere but to my dismay, there was not. The lady handed me a towel and a bar of soap and said 'Please wash yourself'. I was mortified. Not about what she asked but by the way she asked, like I clearly looked the type to need to wash. The second awkward moment came shortly after this when I entered into a little laundry room with my soap, towel and bashed ego. The water from the hose was freeeeeezing and of course, there was no door.

When i came back out, the lady whom I shall name Dorris, had set up 3 chairs. I would of come over and plonked myself down but I was naked from the waist down beneath my floral towel. Dorris, whilst I was washing, had taken my trousers and hung them up. My pants too, which was awkward moment number 3, due to them being big, black and full of holes. So i sheepishly shuffled over with the tiny hand towel covering myself.

She gestured for me to sit down on one of the seats. The seat was leather so my bum stuck to it like cling film. Then Dorris did something I wasn't quite prepared for. She moved the two other seats in front of me, lifted my legs and placed one on each seat. My buttocks were trying their hardest not to un-stick themselves from the leather so i was having to lift myself up and in the process making the most embarrassing noises. Dorris smiled and told me to relax. How am I supposed to relax? My ass is stuck to a chair, I'm practically in stirrups and all I have between your face and my flower is a tiny teeny towel. 

Not even the last piece of dignity I placed upon my towel lasted. Dorris whipped it away from me and I was naked. N.a.k.e.d. She looked directly down at my nakedness and raised her eyebrows. I was weeping inside.

Dorris began stirring her pot of sugar wax and as she did, I watched the comings and goings in the mirror. I watched a lady stroll in the main door, greet people and proceed to walk directly towards the curtain. She was heading this way. I looked from her to my nakedness and back again but there wasn't anything to be done. Dorris had just slathered on the first of the wax at the same time the lady entered the area. She smiled at me and then instead of getting embarrassed and avoiding eye contact like any normal person in a bizarre situation, she breezed over and bent in for a good look. I was now an exhibition.

Dorris not only ripped at me like she was in a therapy session, she laughed about it. I winced every time she used pieces of t-shirt or rag. Where were the wax trips and the cooling lotions?

A while later, she was almost done. I had a few visitors, including Dorris's mother who took a keen interest. At one point a conversation broke out as three older ladies pointed and chatted in a serious manner. This worried  me but Dorris explained they were saying I was pretty. That gave me the heebies more than I can say.

Dorris got some scissors and tweezers and finished off the job. I had decided early on not to look for fear she was ripping so much off it would leave me a nondescript human. Finally the words I'd been waiting for 'done'.

I beamed at her as she handed me a mirror. I swallowed hard and had a look. I froze. She had taken everything. She had stripped me of hair and dignity. I gave a half attempted smile and began to dress, after nakedly shuffling across the room with an audience. I briskly paid and fled the scene. 

Katie had come along at the perfect moment and in the humid Mumbai weather, we strolled back to the hostel with an ice-cream. I was feeling rather chilly and it was nothing at all to do with my vanilla scoop.